Impossible.

Yesterday was exhausting due to All-State auditions. Being extremely nervous from 5am to 9am didn't help exactly. My legs shook the entire ride to Northwest. BUT! It wasn't too bad I suppose. I thought I would f**k it up, but I did better than expected. Oh, by the way, the audition was for double bass. :) So because of auditions I basically slept all day yesterday, and I'm feeling odd today. Not sure why though...

Another thing that's been happening is discussions about BotCon '11. I've been talking to my mom about it, and she says it's a good possibility. What the hell does that mean? Is it a creative way of saying "maybe, but probably not." I don't know. Yet, she said if I bring someone at least 18 years of age (and it'll probably be a boy so I'll have to bring another girl along. ...:/) with me, chances of going will be significantly higher. So, anyone I know who's reading and would like to go, Facebook me.

Other than those two things, school has just been school. I've lost A TON of friends, but I'm building more with each day that passes. At least I have that to go on.

Love you!
-lulu.bell

Transformations.

I can't see anything but blue. XP I sat out in the sun too long and then dashed inside. Hahahaha! Funnies.

So, I've been in another creative slump. I really want to drop out of high school, because I hate it, but I really want to get into Laurence. And become an English teacher... even thought I started a sentence with 'and'. XD

So, dear readers, what have you been up to lately?

While your thinking of something, I'll tell you how school has been going. Well, besides the fact that I hate it, it's really a good way to get high. I swear, the scent of drugs on everyone gets ME high. Then I forget where my next class is.

Eh, I'll figure it out sooner or later. Anyways. On to something other than school. I'm back into work, and I'll be finding another job soon. I either want to work at Nebraska Furniture Mart, Toys'R'Us or B&N. This way, if I can rake in some more dough, I'll be able to splurge (not really) at BotCon '11. Yes, I hopefully will be going next year.

Scratch that. I WILL be going next year. I'll walk if I have to.

Yet, I really have nothing else to report. I just felt like I needed to keep you guys caught up (even thought nothing has been happening.)

Love you!
-lulu.bell

Rebuilding Vulgarity,

Follows Dissection Pursues.

I woke up as the frigid metal touched my bare stomach. "Wha- ...Ahh!" I glared up at the green and purple Decepticon, "What the hell is that?!"

Simply from the look on the mech's face, I could tell it was Hook. He sent me the same glare from earlier (a glare he seemed to use on everyone around him besides Scrapper or Megatron) and continued working. I looked down at my body to see they had taken off my shirt, and tied my limbs to the table beneath me.

From instant panic, I tugged at the bonds. "What the hell are you doing? Let me go!" Anger ripple through my veins as I struggled. "Stop it!"

Hook finished hooking the metal device around my stomach, and smirked.

That smirk did not please me.

"Oh, good Lord! Let me go! What is that th-" I was stopped short when Hook pulled out an object akin to a remote control and pressed a series of buttons.

Pain pursued.

As I screamed in agony, arching my back as something seeped into my body, Hook smiled. "That device is injecting microscopic robots into your system that feed on organic matter. The second wake of robots take the dying robots and use them to construct a new frame."

"Megatron insisted we convert you to a full Cybertronian... we just didn't know how to approach such an operation, until now."

I couldn't watch him leave. My eyes were gone.

I couldn't hear his last words. I couldn't comprehend them.

I lay on the table as blood seeped through holes in my skin and the robots fed on what was left of their meal.

Make a Difference.

Ok, so I've changed my mind again. I love being angry, showing hatred towards others, and degrading them farther and farther into the Pit. (Unless if they are actually what I consider human beings, then they've earned my respect, protection, and infinite kindness.)

I just can't handle this world. They're all STUPID. INCOMPETENT. WORTHLESS. Do I go on? Nah, I'll let you figure what other adjectives you'd like to add to the never ending list. Ah, but some other way of thinking has hit me. Am I any better?

I know I'm more intelligent than most, but I don't really care. I know many are smarter than me, but they don't use such advantages. They let the damn GOVERNMENT do everything for them. I strive for my life while everyone takes the easy road out. Cradle to grave. That's what it's all about.

How can you believe in these maggots in office? HOW CAN YOU? They are LYING! They are TAKING YOUR FREEDOM! DO you really want that? You're stupid if you do.

I can't fathom how some people want this. All that we've fought for, just thrown away so easily. People have DIED FOR OUR FREEDOM. Their deaths were now in vain because of these people who support Obama and his cronies. America is dying! Do you want that?

I love my country. I love her. I want the best for her. For the freedom GOD has given us, that freedom he sent to his children. He loves us. He shaped this country. I don't care what religion you believe in, what race you are, what language you speak, but most came here for a better life. For FREEDOM. Now there is no safe place for people if Obama gets his way. We will no longer be "One nation under God."

But I am a warrior of God, and I will never let that happen. We will never let that happen. HE will never let that happen.

Latest Impression.

Have you noticed my brand new layout? Oh my, I hope you have by now :) Yes, as of late, my blogging has died, and my voice unheard. Not anymore. My muse is slowly, but surely, returning to me. I pray that he never leaves me again. (But after my countless tirades, I can't really blame him.) I still want him to stay though. I really despise being alone. Now don't get me wrong; I still have my loving and caring family to support me, but I still feel alone. I feel different, like there is no one else who can relate to me. Can anyone else say they believe fictional characters are real? If so, please prove me wrong.

My mother, a few hours ago, asked me if I knew Jesus. I didn't really have an answer for her. Do I? Probably not. I tell everyone that I want to destroy the human race. How godly is that? Alas, even through all my anger, I still want to protect them. Help them. Do something that could help the entire planet. Make my name famous for generations to come. Not infamous.

Is there really an answer for all of this? Of course not.

I hate being alone. And people always ask me why I'm never happy any more. Now, like I said, I still have tons of people in my life, but I don't need people. I need love. Nurturing. Help. I'm crying... and I'm left to cry alone every time. Why do you think I cry to God For help? For them? Ask yourselves that. I know you have the answer.

Dissection Pursues.

{Sequel to 'Mock Me To Dissection.}

Megatron had enough. "Scrapper. Do what you wish."

Hysteria captivated my voice as tears welled up within my tear ducts, "What?! You can't do that to me! I'm too valuable! I've-"

I glared up at Megatron with such malice in my eyes that even he became hesitant. "I've spent my entire life looking for you. To become one of you. Then.. this is how you repay me?! You insufferable- eah... y-you.."

My body fell to the ground as the electricity strode through my systems and overloaded my organic-based 'CPU.'

"That'll teach her, Lord Megatron."

Aforementioned tyrant just gave the Constructicon a smug grin. "On second thought Scrapper,I want you keep her alive. I think I need to have.. a 'chat' with her later." He narrowed his crimson optics at my fallen body before leaving the throne room and retreating to his personal quarters for the night.

Mock me to Dissection.

My body was growing cold as the time passed, but I paid no notice. When her figure sat down next to me, I remained motionless and my expression was inert.

"Get her off the floor. Now. Scrapper, you'll-"

Hysterical laughter was bellowed out in the middle of the tyrant's orders as my body rolled over, my hands clutching at my stomach. My crimson tainted lips opened wide to let the sound resonate throughout the Nemesis. "I can't believe this! I- I let you all..." My tone turned dark and my eyes flamed a bright red as the Cybertronian part of my body came online instantaneously. "I let you all... you pathetic humans..."

In a flash the hysteric demeanor returned, my face pointed towards the ceiling as I clenched my eyes shut in anguish, humiliation, and fear. "I spent my entire life searching... and look what you-"

Darkness pursued. "You filthy organics, look what you've done to me! You made me turn-"

Hysteric interrupted. "Turn. Turn against them all! You've left me to die!"

The other humans, those who were either friend of fiend, all stared in an almost mocking silence. I knew what it meant. Those stares. "You're crazy."

That one voice sent me spiraling. " I'm crazy!? You- you insect! Having the audacity to insult me?"

Megatron had enough. "Scrapper. Do what you wish."